Dear Anna,
I’m in third year and I’ve said yes to literally everything – societies, socials, volunteering – and I’m worried I’m about to completely burn out. I don’t want to quit and disappoint people, but I can’t keep this up. How can I manage my workload and learn to say no without feeling guilty?
We’ve all been here. At university, the world truly becomes your oyster, from hockey to Historical Swordmanship. However, it can easily become too much, as you seem to be experiencing.
One of the most common pieces of university advice I hear is to “say yes to everything.” And while, yes, it’s important to get out of your comfort zone and take on new opportunities, I think that this sentiment is fundamentally a bit too one-size-fits-all. I know plenty of people who are total extroverts, who never say no to a night out and for whom a full-on schedule works. Others have a much lower social battery, and need to have adequate rest and time to take stock. In my experience, a lot of university is about discovering your own limits, as much as it is about giving everything a go; and with millions of students across the country, it is inevitable that not everyone can take on the same lifestyle or approach to university life.
By the sounds of it, you’re actively putting yourself out there and taking on exciting opportunities – and I’d never condemn that. However, as you seem to be finding your current setup completely overwhelming, I think it might be time for some reconsideration. You’ve given it a go, and that’s brilliant, but there’s no point in burning yourself out just to honour an ultimately unreliable platitude. I’d recommend taking a step back to evaluate your priorities and trying to see where you could cut back.
To be fair, this is a lot easier said than done, but you are not trapped in your situation – even if it may feel like it. If you’re worried about letting those around you down, keep in mind that student societies are run by students: students who will understand or probably even have experienced what you are going through. I can also guess that, considering you’re in third year, you’ll be thinking of your CV and the looming postgraduate job market. While I’m no recruitment expert, I do believe that experience is often a quality-over-quantity thing. You won’t be able to get what you want or could out of your extracurriculars if you are running on an empty tank. Being able to dedicate yourself fully to your passions leads to a depth of experience that is not just good for your general wellbeing, but attractive to employers. If you find yourself in interviews struggling to say anything about these activities because all you remember is the stress and exhaustion, well, that isn’t beneficial to anyone.Overall, I hate to say that you should give up and quit, but to be honest, you should quit something! There’s no shame in it, I promise. Your wellbeing and happiness are much more important than any sports social or CV tick-box – because at the end of the day, university is meant to be an experience you enjoy, not endure. Remember, saying “no” sometimes is just another way of saying “yes” to yourself.
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